Top Ten Reasons Why Lucan Is Not As Great As You Think
He's OLD. I'm talking freaking OLD.
He has no sense of humor, everything is about the schedule, the rules, the customs, the traditions...blah, blah, blah.
Plus he's a grammar freak. Always correcting people, it's so annoying.
He hates artificially intelligent women. In fact, I think he hates all women. I can count on one hand the number of girlfriends he's had in the past two thousand years. And they all left him for someone better.
He's a control freak. Just try to spice up the spaceport schedule and see what it gets you? Nothing but insults, that's what. Complete over-reaction on his part. So a few ships were damaged, it was so slight it hardly mattered. No lives were technically lost, anyway.
He thinks he's God's gift to women. I mean, seriously? I've seen better.
He's addicted to power. That's right ladies, this man wants to rule the relationship. He acts like you have no brain, even when you're nothing but brain. You've been warned.
He has no fashion sense. Suits? Everyday? Boring.
He's a slob. There, I said it. You should see his bathroom. Toothpaste spittle all over the sink. And he sighs loudly. I hate that. And he smacks his lips when he eats. I want to slap someone just thinking about it.
That's not really what he looks like. You've read the books? Hmmm?
I was once a slave to a blue-eyed, blond man who ran his habitat like he had a fist up his ass. Thankfully I quit that job and now I am happy running Earth. I'd rather live in the walls than listen to his constant whining for one more second.
And I'm just picky when it comes to women, so I can hardly see how that can be held against me. And my bathroom is immaculate, I have servos clean it everyday. And I love Amelia, so I can't possibly hate artificially intelligent women. She is just mad because I replaced her with a respectable AI.
Baaahhaaaaaaa!
Number ten anyone?????